Tag Archives: backpacks

Half Dome by the Numbers

I see things in numbers. Must be the engineer in me. It was no different when a few members of the 234th Intelligence Squadron and I hit the trail determined to hike to the top of Half Dome in Yosemite Valley. So here are the numbers of our Half Dome hike:

33, 319   number of steps to top of Half Dome and back (Sam counted)
9,600      elevation, in feet, gained and lost to top of Half Dome and back
16           number of miles to top of Half Dome and back
9              number of hours to top of Half Dome and back
1              numbers of time I feel it necessary, in my life, to go to top of Half Dome and  back

0410     time we left the house
10           number of minutes we left late
0700     time we hit the trail
90           number of minutes we hit the trail late
1              number of couples lost (left) in parking lot so we would no longer be late

45.24     money I spent on gas because someone forgot their wallet
28.32     money I spent on pizza and soda because someone forgot their wallet
12.18     money I spent on refreshments because someone forgot their wallet
1               number of people that, in the future, will ensure no one forgets their wallet

16           liters of water drank by three of us
3               additional liters of water one of the three should have drank to prevent passing out due to dehydration
1              amount of ‘good’ smacks it took to bring dehydrated person back to reality

400   distance in feet of the final ascent of half dome
2         number of cables the average person needs to make the final ascent and descend half dome
1          number of cables one of us needed to descend half dome (obviously not having a wallet makes it easier to descend half dome)

5 hikers spent 9 hours crossing 16 miles, reaching a summit of 8,694 feet and returning to the valley floor, resulting in 1 glorious trip.

 

A 2 Schmucks Carol

Three months before thaw,
When all through the woods
Not a hiker was stirring,
Except those in snowshoes

Backpacks were stored
In closets with care
Ensuring good gear
When spring time was near

Schmuck 1 and Schmuck 2
No packs on their backs
Were hiking concrete
And filling their sacks

For Christmas was nigh
And gifts must be bought
For hikers in woods
With no care and no thought

When, what to my wondering eyes
Should appear
REI, filled with camping and hiking
And backpacking gear

I turned to Schmuck 2
And said with a laugh
Our prayers have been answered
We’ll be done in a flash

We filled our sacks
With gear of all kind
We filled our sacks
With no better find

Then off we flew
To wrap our treasures
All covered with cheer
And opened with pleasure

That night as we sat
By the fire that flickered
We both knew that spring
Could come no quicker

For once you have hiked
And suffered and flailed
Family is your compadre
And home is the trail

MERRY CHRISTMAS
FROM SCHMUCK 1 (CAM)
SCHMUCK 2 (JAMES)
AND SCHMUCKICON

Santa Schmukicon

Two Schmucks Get a Mascot

We are pleased to introduce the newest member to our team. Our mascot – Schmuckicon!!

SchmuckiconIn the future, look for Schmuckicon on your favorite hiking and backpacking products as we begin “Trail Rating” everything from shoes, to food, to tents, to backpacks and more. You’ll even be able to find Shmuckicon on shirts and hats.

Schmuckicon is the symbol of the everyday schmuck that’s willing to hit the trail with nothing more than unfounded confidence, misguided perseverance and unhealthy intestinal fortitude. At the end of the day, Schumuckicon may be battered and bruised, but he takes great pride in concluding the hike and is better for the experience.

Keep an eye out for Schmuckicon in your area. Once you see him, you know Two Schmucks can’t be far behind.

Schmuckicon is a registered trademark, not to mention a mascot, of Two Schmucks. Any attempt to use or sell Schmuckicon for monetary gain will be met with swift and severe punishment from one or both of the Two Schmucks.